September 23, 2015

Hints of Autumn


Today is the first day of Autumn and that feels like a fresh start. And I could really use a fresh start. It felt like it was headed in that direction. I awoke to a crisp morning after having the loveliest, calming dream right before I woke up and then on the way to take Emma to school we saw a Momma and baby deer and it was so beautiful and peaceful. And then I came home and checked my email only to discover that someone had somehow charged $200 of unauthorized charges to Starbucks and billed it to my Paypal account. And so it would seem that our lucky streak of 2015 will continue! On the other hand, it is Pumpkin Spice Latte season so it's hard to blame the poor hackers for what they did.


 Autumn has  really started to show up here in our Village. Sometimes it stays for just a day or two before summer rushes back in to stake it's claim. Just long enough for us to open the windows and air out the house. One of my favorite things about living here is our Fall Festival parade which was the first Saturday after Labor day. This year I wasn't feeling very good but awoke to find the most perfect weather and we enjoyed every moment of that day. Right up until 12:45am when I found myself in severe pain and with a greatly hindered ability to breathe. You probably already know this but a blood clot in your lung is no joke.


Here's a little tip for you. If you decide to put on fresh undies before you head to the ER in the middle of the night, knowing that you likely will not be coming right home, for goodness sake, turn on the light first. Otherwise you may find yourself sporting leopard drawers and if, like me, you just had your appendix out, every single person that walks into that exam room will not just want to listen to your lungs, but will want to inspect your abdomen as well as your choice of knickers. Now you know.


So I am home now and dealing with a new reality for the next several months and on a medication that makes me nervous to be me, as I am surely the clumsiest person I've ever known and head bumps, scrapes and cuts are not my friend right now. The doctors are delving into my health and I am following up with a Rheumatoid specialist to get to the bottom of what's going on with me, although they have thankfully ruled out Lupus, MS and Rheumatoid Arthritis. In the meantime, I'm just going to go on living my life, perhaps while wearing a helmet as I have already bumped my head trying to wrestle a slipcover onto an ottoman because I only know how to be me. Just Jen! But it's all okay because I'm still here and there is magic to be had in every day. Rainbows to be found in each storm. And while I started out last week scared, overwhelmed and frustrated, I ended it knowing that every day is a gift and if you spend this day worried about tomorrow, you rob yourself of that gift.


I'm trying to live life a little slower right now. It's hard not being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. What used to take me two days now takes me a week. I have to ask for help. I hate to ask for help. I'm working on adjusting my thinking and letting go of the fear that is trying to keep a grip on me. Also, it would be nice if I didn't feel like I need to have a bag packed just in case, but trust me there is nothing leopard packed in it.


I came home the second time to this lovely welcome. There is not a normal person in this family.


 Sometimes life gives us just what we need just at the moment we need it. I'm just hoping that life will decide what I need now is some quiet and that the pummeling of this past year can come to an end. I am more than happy to spend my days watching leaves turn, drinking tea on the porch, knitting, listening to cats snore and baking all the pumpkin things.


I will leave you with the words of my favorite poem that I am reminded of every autumn and which on an average day speaks to my soul, but which on a day like this rubs my heart a little raw.


Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

31 comments:

  1. Oh Jen!!! Yikes!! You have had a rough time for sure. I am glad that you are home recouping. Take it easy, enjoy autumn while your are getting your stamina back.

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  2. Poor you Jen. I hope you are resting and enjoying watching Autumn. As we get older we learn to appreciate every day a little more. Take care.
    Rosezeeta x

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  3. goodness gracious girl...I am glad to hear that you went to the er right away and that they have ruled out so many possibilities. continue to take it slow and take care or yourself. i think we are supposed to slow down as we mature but man it does suck!~ keep your leopard..uh lovely..tee hee sense of humor and enjoy this season that is upon us.
    your images are always so charming and cozy and make me want to fluff and nest my home.

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  4. Oh my word Jen -- you poor thing. Take care. I'm certain there are many friends around who want to spend time and help you in any way. I wish I could bring you some brownies or cookies all the way from Nebraska. Enjoy fall!

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  5. Oh Jen, I'm so sorry! And I'm so glad I don't have underwear that have prints. I just have plain solid colored underwear! You are so wise, and your words always inspire me. I'm at a point when I'm ready to ask for help, but there seems no one to ask. The life of a divorced woman in her late fifties...
    Brenda

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  6. Please take care of yourself! I love your home and style, you couldn't ask for a cozier place to recuperate!

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  7. Hi Jen! :)
    I so enjoy reading your posts, yours is one of my favorite blogs to visit. You always have something meaningful to share!
    I am glad that those things have been ruled out. And glad that you got to the ER when you did, I can't imagine the pain you were in, and just after dealing with your appendix, good grief. And then someone took 200.00 from you to buy pumpkin lattes for 40 of their closest friends (you know 200.00 doesn't go far at Starbucks!).
    Take care of yourself, take the time to get better.
    ps...that chalk board made me laugh out loud...'old people problems' ah ha ha
    Kimberley

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  8. Poor you , hope you are better really soon, oh the knickers thing really tickled me.....even in sickness you brought a smile to others...including those doctors...ha ha. Xx

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  9. Good Morning
    I had no idea you had a blood clot in your lung!!! oh my goodness. Please take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers every day*** love the pantie story though. Your pictures are beautiful as usual. Yes, go slower and sit and sip tea on your porch, that sounds amazing and I know how much you love that porch!!! enjoy today
    deezie

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  10. Oh no Jen! I've just been catching up with your posts as I've been away from blogland for a while. Gosh, a rest up is really on the cards for you right now. I know what you mean about hoping things will ease. For me too, this year has not turned out as I had hoped. All my plans seem to have been kiboshed because of something or another, and I feel it has been a bit of a write off. The year before was an intense and draining one, so I was really looking forward to this year turning out okay. I guess life never really goes to plan. But you are so right, there is magic to be had in everyday, just sometimes we have to look a little harder for it. Thank you for reminding me of it.....and for giving us images to drool over and be inspired by. Take it easy my lovely xxxxxx

    p.s I've made a mental note to throw out leopard print undies!!!!!!!! xxx

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  11. #oldpeopleproblems. I Love it! That just made my morning! Please stay safe, please feel better and go and get yourself some practical knickers!!

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  12. Thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery. ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ’Ÿ

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  13. Oh my goodness! Please take it easy. I know how hard it is to ask for help. I hate it. Yet, we all must do it at times. Bundle up with cozy blankets, drink lots of tea or pumpkin lattes, knit and relax.

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  14. Oh, Jen, my goodness! You've been through a lot lately. Sending healing wishes your way, my dear. Let your loved ones help you. Take it easy. Know all will be well.

    xo
    Claudia

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  15. Love the hashtags Jen. Hope fall is a fresh new season for you in every way!

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  16. Oh my gosh, Jen...I cannot believe you had a blood clot in your lung! Like it wasn't enough with the appendix, right? Sheesh! I am sending healing prayers and gentle hugs your way. xoxo

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  17. Jen, you have really had a bad time of it lately. Please take care of yourself and get well soon. By the way, I have a new pair of undies that are black with white polka dots. First pair of undies I've had that weren't a solid color.

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  18. Oh dear, I am so sorry you have really been through the wringer. It's been a tough couple of months in this household too, but grabbing a hot tea and taking it one day at a time will get us through. I can't believe you had a blood clot right on the heels of having your appendix out. Praying your health improves! I personally think leopard print panties rock, and why shouldn't you let the world, (or at least the hospital personnel) enjoy a peek at the real you. I bet it put a smile on their faces ;)

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  19. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, but you're doing it with grace or at least it seems so.

    That chalkboard message is hilarious! And the leopard panties... lol ... Normal is overrated ;)

    (((hugs)))
    rue

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  20. Oh friend I am keeping you in my thoughts๐Ÿ’•.
    Love the chalkboard hashtags!

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  21. Jen! So sorry to hear about these back-to-back curveballs thrown your way lately. I hope you receive good news from the doctors; mysterious medical issues are such a worrisome burden. And speaking of worry, one of the things I greatly appreciate about your reflections and writings is your transparency in processing feelings and life events. Your reminder to not worry about tomorrow is certainly wise! Be well and thank you for sharing the peeks at your fall decor. Can't wait to pick up some mums and pumpkins this weekend!

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  22. Even in a season of difficulty your writing and photography is inspired. I hope this season of forced slowness becomes a blessing to you and a time filled with sweet memories in spite of the pain.

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  23. Whatever woes have besieged you this year, I hope that they dissipate and that the remainder of the year is peaceful. Thinking of you.

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  24. Beautiful post. I hope your health improves greatly. Loved the photos. The blue door is simply beautiful.

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  25. My gosh! You've been through the mill and you have kept your sense of humor and wonderful focus on the here and now. I would be a wreck but that's me. I may not like it but at this age, I accept it. :)

    So glad you are feeling better and I pray things get all sorted out and that you get back to life as it were! Without hackers and helmets, etc.

    Hugs and healing thoughts,

    Jane x

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  26. Oh Jen. Please know that I am praying for your recovery and for wisdom for your doctors to figure out what's going on. And while it's never easy to slow down, autumn is such a season for savoring…so I hope you can relax and slow down and enjoy the beauty around you. (And I know that your sweet family is surrounding you with love and encouragement.) Wish I could bring you dinner. Lots of hugs and prayers!

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  27. Jen, thinking of you and your struggles and wishing you a peaceful weekend in your beautiful home.

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  28. There is nothing like a run of scary health stuff to make you really appreciate life and your family. It kind of changes you. Glad you are back and mending!

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  29. Oh, dear! I know the doctors will get it figured out. In the meantime, you must let others help you so you can heal.

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  30. I laughed out loud at the chalkboard message. So funny! Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it healthwise. Staying positive certainly helps ... and keeping your sense of humor. :) Who in the heck would spend $200 at Starbucks? Perhaps they were doing a pay-it-forward on your account. Crazy folks out there. Take care of yourself!

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  31. You hang in there! Doesn't it seem sometimes that we can't cut a break? I have learned to not take it personally and motor on. Tell your daughter we just love the #dude where is my appendix...LOL That's the spirit! Kit

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Thank you for taking the time to say hello today! I always love to hear what you have to say.