July 26, 2010

Morning Mourning

I've just been staring at this screen wondering how to say what I need to say. I don't need to say it for you, but for my heart. My heart is heavy this morning as it has been for the 2 mornings that have come before.

I've shared a lot of joy here and some things not so joyful, but nothing like this. Saturday morning around 4am my life was shattered when I received a phone call saying that my mom had died. The thing is, I have half been expecting a call. Her health has not been great and my brother and I have discussed this possibility lately. Getting that phone call would have been one thing. Instead I was told that my mother had been murdered. Her life taken without any thought in her own home. It's a complicated story. One I'm unable to talk about right now. There are 2 suspects, one dead, one jailed. I'm glad but it doesn't change anything.

You can't imagine. I'm living it and still find it hard to imagine. My mom, Judy, struggled her whole life.  Nothing ever came easy to her. She worked hard, took care of me and my brother and my dad who was often in poor health. She was 63 and had finally retired about 2 years ago when she went to live with her fiance in a place surrounded by mountains and beauty after living for 20 years in a place she didn't like. She taught me how to be a good mom. She taught me how to be a survivor, how to be strong. I'm calling on some of that now. She handed down to me her love of reading, creating, crafting, cooking, home and family. Those are great gifts, her legacy.

My mom loved this blog and visited it every day. She was uncommonly proud of me and the silly things she saw as accomplishments here in my little corner. Any small acknowledgment of me or my blog made her think I was the second coming of Martha Stewart. Moms are funny that way.

I am bone tired, jumpy, puffy eyed, shocked, angry, scared, relieved, stressed, overwhelmed, sad and empty. But mostly I am loved. Loved by my family who has taken wonderful care of me, I can't even imagine what I would do without my amazing husband, and by friends like this, this and this that are sharing my burden, another friend who is on her way to my house this morning after travelling all day yesterday to get back to hers. Friends who have offered to come next week to distract me. Friends who have called with offers of help and sympathy, who have sent flowers and prayers.

I'm amazed that losing so much can be a reminder of what I have.

189 comments:

  1. I have never commented before, but want you to know, I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer. I pray you have a peace that passes understanding during this most difficult time. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  2. Oh Jen. I am so very sorry. Please accept this virtual hug from me and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I too have never commented before but want you to know that we will be praying for you and your family.

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  4. Jen
    I am so sorry for your loss - you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your mom sounds like she was an amazing person, and she will be shining down on you. hugs
    Jessica

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  5. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will pray for you and your family. May you feel God's love and mercy and comfort as you grieve this loss. I pray that you will allow Him to soothe your soul and allow you to bring forgiveness to those desperate souls who would do such a harsh, dispicable thing. Run to HIM... he is waiting with open arms to comfort and love on you.

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  6. Jen, I'm stunned for you - you said it, it cannot be imagined. I am so sorry you and all of your family. Please know that you're thought of and prayed for.

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  7. I'm so sorry, your mom sounds so much like mine was. I lost my mom almost 9 years ago but it still feels like yesterday. My heart and prayers go out to you and I'm so glad that you have family and friends to help you get thur this!

    Rondell

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  8. i love you jen....i'm soooooooooo terribly sorry for your loss and my heart is breaking for you....you will be in my heart and prayers and thoughts...we are all a part of each other...or souls are connected and i feel your sorrow and sadness and i'm so very sorry....hugs...

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  9. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know we have never met, bu blogging really does make me feel as though we have.
    I will pray for you and your family.

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  10. My heart is aching for you and your family. I cannot even imagine the range of emotions that you are experiencing right now. Our prayers are with all of you. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  11. Suddenly, anything I have to worry about seems very pointless and small. My prayers are with you and your whole family.
    Heather

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  12. I am so very sorry for you and your family. My thoughts & prayers are with you.

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  13. Jen, this is so sad! My sincere and heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and yours at this time. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. So so sorry.
    mary

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  14. I am so sorry Jen. You're in my prayers.

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  15. Jen..I am so sorry...my heart cries for you...I'll keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers...Lacy

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  16. Oh Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. That is a hard one indeed. May God give you the grace to handle this and comfort you through his people.

    ((hugs))

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  17. I am praying for you. I am stumbling with words and nothing sounds right, but please be good to yourself, Sweetie. Allow yourself time to grieve. Remember the good times and how much your Mom loves you. Lori

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  18. This is so beautiful. I somehow hadn't realized that your mom was your biggest blog fan, although it doesn't surprise me. I hope you see moments today, however brief, of hope and solace. I'm loving you.

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  19. There are no words that can ease something that happens to us like this... Many prayers and well wishes as you travel through this time in life.... Your in my thoughts....

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  20. Jen,

    So sorry- thinking of you...

    Cheryl

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  21. Oh Jen, I know we don't know each other but I would hop in the car today and drive to Indiana if you needed a friend. There are no words to describe what you are going through. I am soooo sorry. May God reach down and wrap his loving arms around you this very minute.

    xo
    LeAnn

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  22. Sweet Jen - the fact that you could write something so beautiful at a time like this is a testimony to what a wonderful woman your mother was. My heart is breaking with yours. You know I'm praying, you know I'm trying to find sense in this like you are - you know. I love you Jen and Shan and I will be there in a heartbeat, to hold you up, cry with you, feed you and support you in this unspeakable time.

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  23. I'm joining the long list of friends that send you hugs and prayers at this difficult time in your life. Please know, that we care.

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  24. I too have never commented here before but I had to tell you how terribly sorry I am for your families tragedy and loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.

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  25. I've been following your blog for a while and sadly this is the first time I think I've left a comment but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending good ju ju your way...your post was soo moving to me...I can't begin to know what you must be going through but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your family...

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  26. There are no words except so sorry for your loss! My mother passed 3 months ago yesterday of unexplained natural causes. I can't even begin to know what you are feeling with the tragic way your mother passed! My loss is deep, as I am so very sure yours is as well! What I have learned in my short time of losing my mom is to let yourself grieve as needed, when needed! It will be so very draining on your whole body, mind and soul. The tears will come, randomly....a thought, a song, anything really. I am glad you have such a nuturing family around you, as I have had around me. Take care of yourself, that's what your mom would want I am sure! Bless you and your family at this time!

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  27. Jen, I am so sorry. I will pray for you.

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  28. I don't even have words. To lose your mother is one thing but to be taken in such a senseless way is horrible. I am praying for you and your family.

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  29. I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say but that.

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  30. I am so very sorry for you loss. My family will be praying for your family.

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  31. a mothers love never leaves :0)

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  32. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

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  33. My heart aches for you, so deeply. So very very sorry to read this tragedy. Will be thinking of you and praying you find peace. Hugs...LindaSonia

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  34. I can see the strength that your mom passed on to you, Jen. In the midst of all you are going through, you have an amazing perspective. Your last sentence means so very much and is a reminder to appreciate all that we have each and every day. Of course your mother was proud of her daughter and all her accomplishments. She raised a lovely lady in you, my friend.

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  35. I too am sorry for your loss. I will pray for comfort to you and your family.

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  36. So so sorry. I pray for your mom's rest in peace and for your heart's healing.

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  37. I am so very, very sorry. I will add your family to my prayers. Nothing can ever prepare us for the senseless, cruel acts of others. May God comfort you and your family and hold you up through the love of others.

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  38. You poor dear. Just know that you wrote a very beautiful post, what a great tribute to your mom. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  39. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your Mother sounds like an amazing woman. Lifting you and your family up in prayer.

    Janet

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  40. Oh Jen, my heart is breaking for you. It is always hard to loose a loved one, especially your Mom but to loose her so senselessly is beyond terrible. I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers. Hugs, Nan

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  41. Your mother sounded lovely and magical. I'm so sorry your loss.
    I dedicate this song to you and your mom. ♥ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAgF364s2yI

    With love and prayers,

    Leigh Anne

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  42. Dear Jen,
    I am so very sorry to read about your mom. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    annie

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  43. Dear Jen, my heart is in my throat and I am at a loss for words. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very, very sorry for your untimely loss.

    Hugs,
    Claudia

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  44. I've never commented on your blog before, but I read it often. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will be praying for you and your family. Nothing can replace your beloved mother, but I pray that you will be filled with peace and comfort.

    I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. -John 16:33

    Danielle

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  45. Dear Jen,
    My heart is reaching out to you in sympathy and prayer. May the comfort of friends and family be your strength now and in the days ahead.
    Sincerely,
    Heather

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  46. Jen..I have dealt with Hospice and grief management for years...Honey...this is just the beginning.There are soooo many decisions coming your way...Suround yourself with strong friends...it's okay to lean on others right now..your strength will slowly return...the fog will lift...your heart...well I always say..your heart it heals..just slightly smaller...The memories..they always seem to grow stronger. Sights..sounds..smells..they will pull into your thought process..memories..that you really never thought about..from the heart to the mind..back to the heart!!
    In reading your blog..I always see..that home is first along with family..you recieved this gift from your mom!! Not everybody is geared this way. Keep yourself true to you..and you will be true to her!!
    I do understand the shock of murder..my bro-in law was undercover DEA..the mob Murdered his mom..we had to hide all our families for 3 weeks..untill we knew it was safe...that was 20 yrs ago..they never found the killer. I know it doesn't bring her back...but to have them caught or dead ..yeah!!!! You won't be looking over your shoulder.

    Prayers for you..and know by all these comments...you are surrounded in love and prayer!!

    Cindy from Rick-Rack and Gingham

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  47. "Motherhood: All love begins and ends there." Robert Browning

    I am so sorry to hear of such loss in your life. My prayers and thoughts will be constant for you and your family.
    Hugs for you.

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  48. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  49. Oh Jen, I'm so sorry about your mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. Keeping you in my prayers.

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  50. Words do not seem adequate to express the horror I;m feeling and the sympathy I have for you and your family. Praying for you today...

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  51. So sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.

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  52. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I am so very sorry that you've lost your mom. Thinking of you...

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  53. So sorry for your loss. To lose your Mum is awful but in such circumstances - I can't imagine what you must be going through.

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  54. I, too, have never commented, I love to read and breeze through blogland, but you need to know that I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sure there are many others like me....readers that wish nothing but the best for our 'bloggers'. Take care and know there are prayers for you and your families!

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  55. Oh Jen
    I am truly so sorry!
    ~praying for you to sense the comfort and peace thaat you need right now and the freedom to grieve as you need to~
    You learned much from your mom, may it be a source of comfort and joy to you now.

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  56. Oh Jen,
    Prayers and hugs to you! I too have gotten that wretched call about my own dear Mom. It's not a feeling I ever expected......take care and let your dear friends take care of you.

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  57. I wanted you to know that my husband and I will be praying for you and your family. I wish I could do more. I'm so, so sorry!

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  58. I truly have no wonderful words to pass on to you. I am so sorry you have to go through this pain. Just know I am thinking of you and your family and you will be in my prayers.

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  59. I too have never commented Jen, but today I must.
    I LOVE your blog, always so delightful to come and visit. I have been following your adventures. This adventure is one of the hardest to read.
    I'm wishing you peace at the end of it all. Thinking about you and your family. I am so so very sorry. I hope they catch the other one and lock him/her up forever. Hold your head up high, lean on your wonderful friends. We are here for you, all the way here in Canada.
    Sending hugs
    Love Claudie
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  60. I am so sorry for your loss. Soak up the love and support from your family and friends, it truly helps you to get through this tragic event. I lost my mother 2 years ago, and the first mother's day may have been the worst "holiday" to get through. We didn't always see eye to eye, but I choose to live in the positive,happy moments and share the good with my children.

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  61. Oh Jen, I'm shocked and so saddened by this tragedy. It's uncomprehendable. My prayers are with you and your family - may God pour His grace upon you all. Jill

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  62. Oh my! I am so sorry for your loss!
    Hugs to you and your family and you will be in my thoughts as you deal with this tragedy.

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  63. Oh Jen, my heart is breaking for you. I love you, dear friend. I am so very sorry and I'm praying for you and your entire family.

    Much love,
    Allyson

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  64. Jen
    I am so sorry to read your post today! Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers xo

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  65. Jen, I'm so sorry for your loss, your posting was so heartfelt and it's no wonder how proud your mom was of you! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  66. Dear Jen and family,
    This was beyond heartbreaking to read...I am so sorry. And yet I was warmed to the core of my heart to read {thru my tears} the beautiful sentiments of your mother you so eloquently shared with us. I can't help but see the same beauty and deep character she possessed now being carried forward by her daughter. You will be in my prayers, Sue

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  67. I am so sorry for your loss, You and your family are certainly in my prayers. I am praying that God will bring you such a peace during this time of grief, and so many other emotions. Jackie

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  68. I just read Shannon's blog and happened to pick one to go to from there from her favorites, and it happened to be you. I'm so sorry for what you have to go through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today.
    Char

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  69. OMG! This must be devestating for you and your family! How awful. I hope justice is done. But mostly, I hope that God will wrap His arms around you and comfort you and give you a place of peace and sanctuary during this difficult time.

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  70. Prayers and peace to you in the tremendous time of loss and pain. I hope you find comfort in knowing you are never alone.

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  71. I'm so very sorry for your heartache & loss. My thoughts are with you & your family.

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  72. Jen..I always remain a lurker tho I read you blog several times a week, but I just have to tell you that I am so very, very sorry and I am praying for you and your family. I pray that you feel God's presence thruout all of this and that His peace is evident every minute.
    love,
    angela

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  73. I know you and your family are hurting so much right now. I'm so sorry, Jen. Your Mother is still proud of you and always will be, no one can take that away from you.

    my love and prayers,
    Lynea

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  74. Jen...I check on you everday. If this isn't "life turning on a dime" I don't know what is.

    We all live with the expectation that our parents will die someday....but to have it happen to your mom in such a violent way is incomprehensible.

    I wish I could just give you a hug right now. I am so sorry this has happened.

    Love, Julia

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  75. I'm so sorry and I'm praying that you will be overwhelmed with the peace of God during this time. I remember the lost little girl feeling I had when my mom was taken. But I also remember that wonderful peace that cushioned the pain. I hope you can somehow feel the love and hugs being sent your way online.

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  77. I am very sorry for your loss. I come here to check your blog posts daily.

    May the caring you have shown so many be returned to you 10 fold.

    I wish I lived closer so that I could come wash your dishes sans dishwasher, walk by your side in the Village and cook your family's meals so that you could rest. Please take care of yourself!

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  78. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  79. I am praying for you today.

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  80. Jen,
    I live close to your neck of the woods and have found your blog an interesting perspective on the life that I live. I live in a 130 year old home with three children and my husband. It is a hop skip and a jump to the our county court house and all of the colorful fun things that happen around it. It has been one of my dreams that came true and I love it. It has been so fun watching to see if it becomes one for you too. I am so sorry about your Momma. Please know that you are loved by people that you do not know and that you are in my prayers today.
    Sincerely,
    Shannon

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  81. I am so so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our prayers.

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  82. oh jen, i am so very sorry for your loss. i will be praying for you and for your family...

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  83. I can only add my deepest sympathy along with the others. You will live in this nightmare for a while, but hopefully you will find peace and solace in your children and loved ones as you treck through these next few months. God bless and keep you.

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  84. delurking to say how sorry I am. I can't imagine your loss and my prayers are with you.

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  85. I am so very sorry for your terrible loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

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  86. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. Peace to you and your family.

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  87. My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the senseless loss of your mother. My prayers are with you all as you learn to live with the loss of your mother. You are amazingly brave to share with us all. God bless.

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  88. oh jen. as i read this i think i forgot to breath. such a terrible, unthinkable loss. i hope peace and happiness find you soon again.

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  89. Jen,
    I'm so terribly sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine what you must feel like. I'll be thinking of you and your family!

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  90. Oh, Jen,
    Words escape me, but I want to know that you and your family are in my prayers. Your post was so eloquent...Your Mom would be so proud!
    Sending a huge ((HUG)) your way.
    XO
    Cheryl

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  91. I have only visited a few times but I am also without words right now...there are huge tears streaming down my face trying to imagine the horror of that call....there are many people here holding you up and I am one of them! My deepest sympathies go to you and your family.

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  92. What a shock! Add me to the long list of readers sending sympathy and virtual hugs. I hope that seeing how many of us there are will be of comfort to you as you live through this difficult time. Take care of yourself and continue to let others take care of you while you need it. We are all thinking of you and would love to do whatever we can to help.

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  93. Oh Jen-I am so sorry that words cannot express. My husband & I were discussing this horrible crime yesterday morning when we saw it in the paper. Praying for you and your family. If you are coming to Knoxville & there is anything I can do, let me know!

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  94. Jen, I am speechless. I will say a prayer for you right now. I will think good thoughts and wish the very best for you and your family. I am so very, very, very sorry.

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  95. Oh jen, sweet sweet Jen! My heart breaks for you and your family!!! hugs!!!

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  96. Jen- I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you will find comfort in your faith and the love of your friends and family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  97. So sorry to hear of this loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  98. Your mother must have been an inspirational woman. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  99. Jen, my condolences on the tragic loss of your mother. ((((HUGS))))

    Lisa (Texan)

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  100. I am stunned. I don't know you. Not really. Just through your blog but I am stunned. Dumbfounded. The outpouring here, on your blog, is amazing. God bless you and your family. - Kathy

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  101. Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a lovely and delightful person. I know she will be missed. You're right, Moms do have a way of making you feel as if you are the next Martha Stewart. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

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  102. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers for strength and healing to you and your family.Your precious memories will help you thru this very difficult time, hold them close.

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  103. I don't know you Jen, but I am overwhelmed with what has happened to your mom, it is so, so sad. I can't believe you have written such an eloquent and beautiful post at this time when your whole world has been turned upside down. It sounds like the spirit of your lovely mom is helping to get you through and the support of your family & friends. Hang in there honey, so many people are sending love and good thoughts, including me xo

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  104. My deepest sympathy to you & your family, may God give you strength.

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  105. OH Jen, I am so so sorry. There are just no words for something like this... Please know that I am thinking of you and your family, and praying for all of you. May God wrap his arms around you help you get through this time.

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  106. Jen, I am so sorry for you tragic loss. There are no words but prayers to you and your family.

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  107. Oh my, ((((hugs)))). I just don't even know what to say, this is such a tragedy. I'm thinking of you and your family.
    ~Michelle

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  108. Jen....I am so very sorry! It is so difficult losing a parent....but, to lose one in such a tragic way...I cannot imagine. I will be praying for you and your family in the days ahead...

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  109. Oh Jen. My heart breaks for what you must be feeling. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm giving you a big hug through my computer and wishing it could be real.

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  110. Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. I am praying for you and I'm here if you need anything.
    Jill

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  111. So sorry ... I am lifting your name in prayer. May the love of Jesus comfort you and give you peace.

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  112. jen,

    i am stunned and so very very sorry for your tragic loss.

    this post is such an eloquent and elegant tribute to your mom, to mothers and families. your words are lovely and filled with love and appreciation.

    sending warmest hugs and thoughts your way. thinking of you, my friend.

    xo
    elyse

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  113. Jen...I am so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you and your family. Lifting you up in prayer.
    With deepest sympathy,
    Tracie
    Kalamazoo, MI

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  114. Let all the good memories surround you, think of all the good things about her and be comforted. If your mother was anything like mine, I think she would want you to remember the good times. Allow your friends to help, even though you would rather be alone. And remember, she's always there, loving you, in your heart and in your memory of her.

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  115. Jen. I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

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  116. Oh Jen! I am so sorry for the loss of your mama. What a tragic thing! It sounds like she was one special woman. Whoever did this to your mom can not take the love the two of you had away so continue to hold onto all those wonderful memories you have stored up in your heart. I am thankful that the people around you are loving on you during this sad sad time. I will be praying for you and your sweet family.

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  117. What hideous news. I'm so glad that you have this blog to help you express what you are feeling. Your mom sounds like a wonderful lady who knew what was important in life. May you find comfort in knowing how many of us are sending you "koach," strength and our sincere sympathies.

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  118. I am so very sorry, Jen.
    (((((hugs)))))
    ~Becca~

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  119. So sorry for your loss! It is so hard to see life go on as usual while yours seems to be at a heartbreaking-time standing still. Praying for you.

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  120. My heart goes out to you Jen. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ~Lili

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  121. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but I'm sure you're reeling over the news. Know that you and your family will be in the thoughts of many of us!

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  122. You don't know me, but I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  123. I just stumbled upon your lovely blog and am saddened to read this post. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

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  124. My heart breaks for you as my family went through this pain as well.
    I am so very sorry for your loss and pray that the continued support of your loving friends and family sustain you through this time.
    You are in my constant thoughts and prayers.

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  125. Dear Jen,
    My sympathy to you and your brother and family for the sudden and horrible loss of your mother.
    You are courageous in writing
    this post.
    May all those who surround you
    comfort you at this time.
    BarbaraG

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  126. was not expecting to see this post when i visited this morning.

    i'm so sorry---sending you lots of prayers your way.....

    wish i could pop over with some sweet tea and just sit with you......

    xoxo
    kara

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  127. What a heartbreaking loss. I'm so very sorry for you and yours. May the Holy Spirit cover you with his healing wings in this most difficult time.
    elise

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  128. All I can say is prayers up for you and your family during this time.

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  129. Jen, I am so, so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even imagine...please know that you will be in my thoughts & prayers.

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  130. i'm so sorry. much love. bethy

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  131. I am so sorry that you had to lose your mother this way. Your blog post was a wonderful tribute to her~she sounds like an amazing woman. Love and prayers to you and your family.

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  132. i am so sorry for your loss. my thoughts & prayers are with you & your family. please know that we are thinking of you.

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  133. I haven't commented before, but want to let you know I am sorry for your loss. It's never easy to say goodbye to someone you love. My prayers are with you.

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  134. Oh my. My prayers go out to you. I lost my mom 2 years ago. She was also 62 and not in great health. Things were looking up for her and we had talked about doing some family research in another state. She died very unexpectedly on a Saturday morning. I miss her so much...its still like she was here yesterday. You'll always miss your mom, but the memories will be good..Every day of my life is filled with doing things she taught me. Take Care....

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  135. Dear Jen,
    I am so sorry for the lost of your mother. My prayers are with you and your family.
    May God give you the strength to see you through this difficult period of your life.
    Sending you (((((((((((hugs))))))))))
    Connie
    Indiana

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  136. Jen, I am so so very sorry for this horrible loss. How heartbreaking this is! I am stunned and still just can't believe it. I feel like driving to Indiana right now! Please know that if there is anything AT ALL that I can do, it is done! You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
    :(

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  137. Jen,
    Sending you a hug, prayers, and thoughts...I am so very sorry.
    Lisa

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  138. Dear Jen,
    So sad and sorry to hear of your loss..She sounds like a beautiful person. Know that He is with you.
    Sending prayers and hugs your way,\
    Love,
    Lisa

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  139. Oh Jen, I can't even imagine! Words seem so lame as I write them. May you feel God's arms wrapped around you.

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  140. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family.

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  141. Oh wow. There's just nothing I can really say except that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so very sorry. :-(

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  142. Dear Jen,

    My eyes are filling up with tears for you and your sweet family at this devastating news. You are all in my prayers. I am so very very sorry for your loss.

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  143. Only commented once, but always follow your blog from the UK. You are in our thoughts.

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  144. Jen....I don't even want to say it. It feels too awful to have to write 'I am so sorry for the loss of your mother'. I feel so happy each time I read your blog....but not today...and it is ok. Thanks for sharing such a painful and tragic post. My heart goes out to you, Jim, Maddie & Emma. I know your mom played a very special role in your lives. Know that you are deeply in my prayers and know that God has wrapped his huge arms around you to form a hedge of protection. Blessings my beautiful friend.
    XO~Hope

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  145. So sorry to read this. I can't imagine the hurt that this has caused for you and your loved ones. My wish for you is that someone can write down every happy memory that they/you have of your mom so that you can read over it when the hurt starts to overwhelm you. Again, there are no words to express how sorry I am that you've lost your mom.

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  146. I'm so sorry and I'm praying for peace for you and your family . . .

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  147. I am so sorry for your loss! Your mom sounds like a wonderful mom. I wish you the best.

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  148. I am praying for you. So sorry to hear about your mother. You have a lot of friends out here in the blogging world that are lifting you up in pray.

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  149. I am so so sorry for your deep loss. I will keep you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. As I read the beautiful thoughts of your Mom and the legacy of love she gave you, it is my belief that her love and strength will help you through this very dark time in your life.

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  150. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. So sorry for your loss. I know I'm a complete stranger, but my hearts ache's for you and your brother. I'll be thinking of you.

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  151. Oh Jen, I am so terribly sorry. I'm lifting you up and sending love and care.
    My Grandma always said on the phone "I'm giving you a hug, can you feel my arms around you?" so, I, too will send you a virtual hug.
    Keep breathing, cut yourself all of the slack you have to. Don't rush yourself. You will get through this. It sounds as if you have so much strength that came from her.
    Much Love,
    Cheryl

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  152. Oh Jen, I am so terribly sorry. I'm lifting you up and sending love and care.
    My Grandma always said on the phone "I'm giving you a hug, can you feel my arms around you?" so, I, too will send you a virtual hug.
    Keep breathing, cut yourself all of the slack you have to. Don't rush yourself. You will get through this. It sounds as if you have so much strength that came from her.
    Much Love,
    Cheryl

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  153. Just wanted to let you know that I am friends with Shannan. She had shared what had happened to your mother in Sunday School class and my heart broke for you. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be.

    So sorry to hear this horrible news. May you continue to be surround by awesome friends and family. Peace and comfort to you.

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  154. Words will not even be able to touch how sorry I am to hear about your Mom. You are a bright star in a sometimes dark world and the love your Mom not only felt for you but SHOWED you will light your way. There are a million hands holding yours and a beauty of a guardian angel to lead you through this low time. Keep shining, Jen. xoxo

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  155. i just want to wrap you in all our arms and to let you know how incredibly sorry i am for such am immense loss in such a way...
    you are the woman and mother you are to day because of your mother...in this way you will carry her with you forever...
    in your heart...
    in your children...
    in your beliefs...
    and in your daily life...
    i hope that at some time in the future, with support from all who you can rely on, it becomes easier in some way...i don't know...
    melissa x

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  156. My heart is breaking for you and your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.....

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  157. There are moments when no words are adequate except: I am sorry.
    I hope you find comfort in the love and support of those around you.

    Deborah

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  158. My heart is aching for you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  159. Jen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and my heart goes out to you. I will be lifting you up in prayer.

    Jenn Storey

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  160. I don't have words to say just how my heart hurts for you and your family. I am so very sorry for your incredible loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  161. there are no words...

    my thoughts are with you



    Lisa

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  162. I've never written before, but I've been reading (and enjoying) your blog for a while.
    I'm so sorry for you, for your family, for this terrible loss.

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  163. I've got tears streaming down my face after reading this - how sad and shocking. I wish you peace.

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  164. I am so sorry. I pray for your family. I pray for your mom. I pray for understanding and peace. I pray that your find solace.

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  165. so sorry for your loss. we will keep you and your family in our prayers.

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  166. Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm completely shocked and I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through it. I hope that you are able to find some peace in all of this very soon.
    ~Angela

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  167. Jen,
    I am just catching up with blogs and I just read this. What words can I say? I am so sorry. I wish I could come over right now and just do. Clean, cook, listen, cry, hug you in person. Please know with all my heart that I will be praying for you and your whole family.

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  168. Jen
    My most deepest sympathy to. My heart reaches out to you and your family. I am deeply sorrow for your loss. Lori

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  169. Dear Jen,

    I have written a posting for you at my blog. It is great tenderness and prayers I have done so. Our hearts are with you and the strength of those prayers will hold you and enfold you as you heal. As a community we will not forget you and your courage. Live today and each day until you have strength and Rest in Gods Grace.
    In His Love,
    elise
    http://elise-mcginn.blogspot.com

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  170. I am so sorry and sad for you and your family. Prayers and well wishes sent... My BFF lost her mother to murder and I've seen the struggle to move on... Your post was amazing and beautiful (like you and your Mom I bet). I hope you're able to continue healing with the tremendous love around you.
    God Bless

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  171. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  172. Oh Jen, I haven't been by in
    a while and am so sorry to
    read of your loss. Even though
    I have lost both my parents, I
    can't imagine what you are going
    through right now. I hope your
    family and friends will be able
    to help you through this difficult
    time.

    Your Mom sounds like she was a
    wonderful woman who was so proud
    of you and loved you very much.
    I pray you will find peace.

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  173. All of my love to you. I am so, so, sorry. How cruel and unfair!

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  174. I am so sorry for your loss. My aunt was found dead her home a few years back and no one ever was held accountable. I still think of her often and try only to remember the good times.

    I will pray for you .

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  175. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your Mother in such a senseless and tragic way. Your shock and grief will subside in time as you continue with your blog knowing she is reading in spirit. She will always be with you. Respectfully, Preppyinnewengland

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  176. Oh dear Jen! I was so shocked and saddened to read this! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

    God bless you!
    Cathy

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  177. you are right, jen. i cannot imagine what you are going through. it is hard enough to lose a parent to illness, but to something so senseless as this... it's impossible to fathom.
    i was reading about this story the other day, (live only about 2 hrs. away), but had no idea of the connection until i came by my favorite blog.
    jen, she sounds like she was a courageous and beautiful woman. what a precious blessing she must have been to you and your family. i hope you can find comfort in the many wonderful memories she must have given you all.
    i will carry you with me in my heart in the coming days, jen, and will be praying for peace of mind, healing and clarity.

    Native American Prayer

    I give you this one thought to keep -
    I am with you still - I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow,
    I am the diamond glints on snow,
    I am sunlight on ripened grain,
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awake in the morning's hush
    I am the swift, uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not think of me as gone -
    I am with you still - in each new dawn. ~ Author Unknown

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  178. I just finished writing a note to an old friend who just lost her son in an accident a month ago. I clicked over to my blog and you were the first person I visited. My heart goes out to you and the grief and pain you are feeling right now. My dad passed away suddenly 3 years ago. I received a phone call at 4a on a Saturday to rush to the hospital. He died in the ambulance. When I wake in the morning I think of him when I lay my head down at night I think of him. It never goes away but it does get easier. Continue writing, crafting and all the things you love because it will get you through it. And lean heavily on your sweet family because they will get you through it. Thinking of you!
    Bristol

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  179. Jen I am so sorry. So very sorry and saddened to hear this. There are no words and I cannot even begin to imagine your loss or your grief. I am simply so very sorry and my heart goes out to you. Please know that I care and will keep you and your sweet family in my prayers. God Bless you all and your precious mother.

    I love you Jen.


    Kim

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  180. Dear Jen~ Been a while for me to come by but I wanted you to know that for some reason God made me click over to visit tonight. I am so very sorry and only wish I could say this to you in person. I lost my Mom and 2 brothers in a 10 month span a couple of years ago. To tell you that it does get a easier with time is just a little bit of hope I can offer to you. I too got by with my loving husband and kids which I know are a great support to you as well.

    God Bless,
    Raised In Cotton ~Carol

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  181. Jen, my internet has been down, so I just learned of this terribly sad news. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. She sounds like a wonderful lady who instilled solid values in her children. Keep writing, girl, it will help you through this difficult time.

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  182. Hugs and kisses, Jen. Just reading this. Be well.
    Love, Serena

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  183. Oh my God. Jen.

    I'm so sorry....I can't imagine what you are going through.....I just want to give you a hug.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
    martha from elizabeth hill

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  184. Oh God Jen,,,,, I am so sorry. Now I know why you want to start fresh with the new season. I hate that I was so busy I didn't know what was going on with you, but please know you are in my prayers. I am so very sorry you lost your mom and in such a terrible way. My heart goes out to you sweet friend.

    love,
    rue

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  185. Thinking of you and your family.

    Heather

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  186. God bless you and your sweet family.
    B x

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Thank you for taking the time to say hello today! I always love to hear what you have to say.