This post was written last October and for reasons that are unclear to me, I never posted it. It would seem the longer my absence from this space, the more difficult it is to come back though I feel myself feeling nostalgic for the quiet here. That and Emma had some stern words with me awhile back about not blogging. I do not care for the feel of substack which does not feel like a community to me in the way that this space used to but which honestly isn't anymore either. But that's okay. This began all those years ago for me and since I know it means something to my family, that is enough. I've considered a 2025 recap. By the time I get to it, I may also need to do a 2026 recap. Nevermind. Enjoy this reflection from the archives. ❤
Oof. Where to start? Nothing feels right. I do not have the energy to be flippant and chipper. This has been a very difficult year in so many ways. But also, personally, a very transformative year that has held some of my very favorite memories. There has been much to celebrate and some challenges. I have often felt the need to get quiet and protect my peace the louder the outside world gets, so you can imagine how much I have done that this year. In that quiet there has been much introspection. Some days too much if I'm being honest. I feel I have experienced more personal growth this year than I have since my cancer diagnosis 8 (!!!) years ago.
Jim and I were discussing the other day that we couldn't believe there were only 2 1/2 years between diagnosis and covid. This last decade has just been a lot. But then, I guess that's life. Beauty and devastation in cycles and sometimes existing hand in hand. It is occurring to me that probably I have been so absent here because as you can tell so far, I am struggling to be upbeat and I guess that is a default tone I like to have here. :) That doesn't mean I'm sitting around full of doom and gloom. But the reality of the world as it is now certainly requires extra effort to parcel out the beauty. But it is there. And I will always be searching for it. Somedays I just have to wade through more garbage to find it.
I feel myself becoming more sentimental these days- more impacted by the little joys, imbuing meaning into all the corners of my world, creating cozy moments out of what might have been so ordinary, it would not even be noticed. Is this a mark of the times or of my accruing years? I know not. I do know that morning oatmeal, once eaten at the island is now eaten at the dining room table by candlelight on a dark autumn morning- turning it into the coziest of beginnings. What would have been an ordinary cuppa is made special by using tea gifted to me by someone I love, sipped from a mug that takes me back to a very special day in my life, which sits on a coaster crocheted by a lovely friend and sits next to a current project that is meditative to work on and with materials that are special to me.
I have spent a lot of this year focusing my creativity on home and creating the ultimate sanctuary for me and the people I love. I have less creative energy leftover for studio shenanigans but I hope this season of cooler temperatures, shorter cozy days, no garden work and the delicious hibernation that comes with it all will bring about a burst of activity.
I hope you are all keeping yourselves well. I must run along as I just heard a rumble of thunder that declared the storm I have been waiting for is arriving, and I must scurry up to my favorite cozy reading nook and savor every moment of it. x
