Life is for the Living

I have it on good authority (from my Sweet Man) that I have not been blogging often enough. All I can say is, my life seems to be filled with a lot of living and not nearly enough time spent behind a camera, keyboard, sewing machine or book.

I would very much like to change that. Summer starts for us in a matter of days and I have big plans to make few plans. It just seems like the right thing to do right now. A long lazyish, unplanned, fly by the seat of our pants, follow our whims kind of summer.

There will be no summer bucket lists, no list of things that make us feel obligated and pressured. There will still be fun and adventures but what they might be, I could not tell you. There are only a few things on the calendar and I think that is the perfect amount. The best of days can be found among the ordinary ones. A day that dawns like any other, can become the kind that you want to memorize every moment of. I plan to have my fill of those.

May has been full. More full than it would seem a month could or should be. May has meant: a college graduation, Mother's Day, an awards ceremony, a ballet recital, an orchestra concert, a musical, a bathroom renovation, bronchitis, doctor's appointments, a lung scan, cat surgery, a trip to Virginia and various and assorted lunches, dinners and drinks on the porch. We are packing a lot of living into these 31 days and that is it's own beauty.

To me the real beauty is in slowness, in having time to stop and smell the peonies instead of feeling like you are rushing through life, crossing one thing after another off your to do list. While this month  was full and has been lived at full speed, I am ready to shift gears now, and to choose what my days look like.

Happiness

I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately. I recently read this article that I really enjoyed. It's awfully easy to be happy when things are going well but I think when you are feeling a bit beat up by life or when you are feeling stressed and have a hard time looking past whatever is challenging you, then it takes more effort to seek out the happiness. But it's always worth the effort.

I think we sometimes have a tendency to think life starts after. After I lose 15 pounds, after that project is finished, after I find the perfect partner, or job or home or... But what if we focused on what is and on being happy today, just as things are? What if small changes in our day to day life could add up to big changes in our mood and quality of life? Sometimes for me it's as easy as taking some time to focus on doing small things that make me happy like baking, crafting, nesting, yoga or gardening. Sometimes it's as simple as taking a break from the sameness of every day life and going on a little adventure.

I know personally that I am at my happiest when I am:
-Being grateful
-Thinking positive thoughts about myself and others
-Making time to do the things I enjoy
-Not procrastinating
-Living in a healthy balanced way
-Being Mindful

The first one really is the most important for me. If I am not focused on being thankful for all that I have, but am instead focused on whatever I don't have (and this can be material possessions but can really be anything), it is impossible to see the beauty in my right now. And I truly believe that no matter what, there is beauty to be seen in every moment. It is so much about how we train ourselves to think. It is easy to fall into a pattern with your thoughts and you can either choose to fall into a positive pattern or a negative one. My mom was a very negative person. I don't think she was always like that but it was so pronounced in her later years that it was honestly hard to be around her. The positive is that it gave me an awareness of such things that I might not have had otherwise, so that I could choose to not live like that.

So today I am taking a look around me and seeing how very much there is to be thankful for. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, there are freshly baked cookies, my book is waiting to be finished, I'm starting to feel better from the virus I caught last week, dinner on the front porch tonight with my big girl, a walk with the dog and scheduling a little beach getaway for this summer. So many things to fill me with gratitude.

Choosing Wisely

This month is passing more quickly than January usually does and I feel a little bit like I've lost control of it. It's been brutally cold but there has been much less snow than I prefer. I really like this time of year, although my still healing lungs aren't especially fond of it. It's the perfect time to spend more time at home getting things done as well as snuggling. Apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way.

January is such a good month to get organized, although honestly at some point in the last few years I've come to love organizing and have apparently become unable to so much as open a drawer without feeling an overwhelming desire to paw through it while asking myself if I really love and use each item in it. It's a blessing. And a curse. Right now I'm currently obsessed with capsule wardrobes and have set a deadline for myself to make some hard decisions...you know, like getting rid of clothes that haven't really fit in a couple of years but are so cute you hate to get rid of them! In other news, is there even such thing as a pair of shorts that fits girls with generous thighs, and that doesn't make them feel like they have sausage legs when they sit down? Is it called a skirt?!

I have discovered that my love of organizing feeds my love of containers which is dangerous because quite frankly I probably have more pretty containers than I have stuff. I can't help myself. It's genetic. Just ask my girls. Boxes, baskets and bins...give them all to me!! I often find myself in the unfortunate situation of lying to myself and saying I.WILL.NOT.BUY.ANY.MORE.CONTAINERS. The shame that follows the inevitable cute box purchase is ugly. Ahem, I'm talking to you cute aqua and silver foil box.

This month has seen a lot of nest fluffing and project starting. I'm pretty sure nest fluffing is more a way of life than a mood in these parts. I am trying to behave myself and stay out of the stores as much as possible and only spend money on things I truly need. I am mostly successful at that but it is clearly something I need to practice.

I've been working on being more mindful of my spending lately and that has meant me putting myself back on the envelope system. It can be very eye opening. It's a great way to train yourself to stay on budget. Want a budget tip? Don't even open all of those emails you get trying to convince you that you need the exact thing they are selling. For instance that Anthro tablecloth you've had your eye on that is now on clearance with an extra 40% off. Oops. I guess I figured this one out a bit too late. Life is just easier if you don't know what you are missing. Now if only we could quit loving eating so much because the amount of money we are spending on food each month is borderline criminal.

This month has been much busier than I had anticipated. For a well documented introvert, my calendar has been full of lunches, brunches, dinners and drinks. Every single time I have to push myself out of my cozy little happy place and every single time I end up having more fun than I thought I would. I'm sure there is a lesson in there but I'm not ready to learn it yet. The life of a social introvert is complicated.

For now I feel like I'd like to lock the doors and pull the shades and spend about a month catching up on all of my projects. There is an ottoman to slipcover, a couple of needlework projects to finish, a gallery wall to finish up, photos and recipes to organize and a crochet blanket to start. Oh and books to read. Lots and lots of books.

As much as I love and crave a quiet simple life, the thing I'm realizing is that no matter what you put on your to do list or how you plan, life has a way of just showing up and taking over and you can either fight it or embrace it. One will make you crazy and one will give you peace. These are the choices. Choose wisely.

Things I Love

Things I'm loving these days:

-Starting and ending my day with gratitude.

-Teal, light and dark shades of pink and minty to medium tones of green.

-Being at home.

-Catching up on all the Hallmark Christmas movies I've been too busy to watch, while I embroider or knit.

-Letting go of relationships, be they the kind I was born into or the ones that I once chose, that no longer offer enough positive to outweigh the negative.

-Choosing to let go of guilt.

-Claiming the life I want by spending my time in ways that honor that life.

-This quote by Brene Brown: "Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.

-Jazz music, particularly French jazz like The Hot Sardines, Madeleine Peyroux and Emilie-Claire Barlow

-Learning new things: Crochet, lettering, ukulele, cello, paper mache, french, calligraphy, sewing a slipcover, drawing, watercolors, photography in manual mode are all on the seemingly endless list of things I would love to learn someday.

-Being excited! About projects, plans and dreams. About life because there is so much to be excited about!

-Buying clothing that fits me now instead of things that would fit me if I lost 10 pounds. Or 20. Life is short. Dress cute.

-Making time for yoga, mindfulness or other "Hippie Momma" (as my girls would say) pursuits that make me a calmer, more peaceful person.

-Being there for the people who need it, appreciate it and reciprocate it.

-Tea time.

-Loving this season, this stage, no matter what.

-Indie movies.

-Simplicity.

-Homemaking: organizing, fluffing my nest, baking and cooking, especially any meal that has me getting my food processor out, which instantly makes me feel like a professional.

-Being enough. While the list of things I will never be is enormous, the list of things I am is pretty awesome. I choose to celebrate that list.

A Love Letter to My Home

 

Dear Home,

You are my first. Well, technically I guess that's not true. I've lived in many before you, a few that I even thought I loved, but as with any true, first love, I later came to realize that the ones that came before you were cheap imitations of the real thing.

Those other houses were important and necessary. They taught me what I did and didn't want. They hold special memories and taught me how to recognize true love when I finally found it. Or when you finally found me, for I'm sure it was not an accident that we ended up together, but serendipity. You, dear home, with your sloping floors, bathrooms and kitchen in need of remodeling, wonky woodwork, small rooms, lack of storage, cozy nooks and charming front porch are the one I will never forget.

You are the one who taught me who I really am. The one I hope to spend all of my forevers with. The one who will live in my heart forever as the houses that came before you fade into blurry memories.

You are my one, true home.

 

Small Rituals

I used to really want to be a coffee drinker. I loved the entire idea of it. All of it. Except the flavor. Then one day I discovered Chai and I realized it was never about the coffee. It was about the ritual. Now, especially this time of year, there is hardly a day that passes that I don't enjoy a Chai and while I first learned to make it in the microwave, I quickly realized that I preferred doing it in a more mindful way.

At some point I realized that the entire process is a comforting ritual for me. First I choose my cup, a more difficult part of the process than it may sound, then I fill my cup with milk, pour it into my special pot that I only use for tea, add my tea bag that I keep in a vintage glass jar, steep my tea until it is just the right color and temperature and pour it into my cup, adding honey and a dash of cinnamon. Next I decide where I will drink it. Will it be on the porch? In the dining room in front of the fire? In my corner of the sectional while I read?

Sometimes it's hard to decide. Often I drink my tea in the morning, especially if my Sweet Man is home and we can snuggle under a quilt on the front porch together, he with his coffee, me with my tea. But often I wait because I enjoy having it to look forward to later in the day. Not that there is a rule that says I can only have one a day. It just seems to work out that way.

Upon reflection I realize that comfort, traditions and rituals are very important in my life. Maybe it stems from the haphazard and impermanent way in which I grew up. I know that in my adult life, these things give me great pleasure. Sometimes a cup of tea is just a cup of tea, but sometimes it's a little gift of comfort you give yourself in the middle of a regular day, a hug in a mug.

Listening to the Stillness

The house is quiet this morning. It's just me for the first time in a week. A four day weekend spent with the one who loves me best. Chilly weather, the first fire, lunch on Main Street, letter writing, book shopping, a birthday dinner for Maddie's guy, breakfast at Cracker Barrel, sitting on the porch, naps, football, knitting, reading. All things that make my heart sing.

And now the quiet. I need the quiet. A primal need. The foggy morning. The soft autumn light making the house feel even cozier than normal.

I come home from making the school run and throw the ball for the dog. I think the view from our backyard has never been prettier than at this very moment.

I come inside and mean to make my breakfast. A cup of chai will be just the thing. I get distracted straightening up the house, making tidy all the corners that get messy during the weekend. I know it is Tuesday but it feels like Monday. I'm practicing mindfulness as I go along, something I've really started to incorporate into my life. I especially like to start my week off with a little reminder to be present as much as possible. Mindful Mondays. A way to remember to find the joy and to fill myself with gratitude. I am thankful for this day.

I pick up the camera because it helps me memorize a moment. For as long as I can remember, I've been taking mental snapshots of perfect moments in my life that I just knew I always wanted to remember. My first boat ride as a little girl- the way the boat's motor made the frothy water look like a fountain soda, the smell of the air whipping my hair around my head. My grandmother pressing my grandfather's shirts- the smell of the spray starch and the way she would hang them from the top of the door frame as she finished each one. But now I have my camera and my words and no longer have to rely solely on my senses to do the work.

There is nothing like a morning. All the possibilities of the day ahead of you. I have a mountain of ironing that needs to be done, an upstairs that needs to be cleaned. I don't know how much of that I will do today. I did too much yesterday and I feel inclined to use that as an excuse to spend my time more creatively. But then I chide myself for feeling like I need to justify my choice. I'm sure this day would be better spent in the studio than marking chores off my to do list. Maybe today's to do list should read: make something, read something, listen to some beautiful music, feed your soul.