Summer Simplicity

Summer is not my favorite. I've probably mentioned this numerous times. And yet there are so many things I can find to truly love about this season anyway. Things you won't find on this list: blistering heat, sun, humidity, the way my hair misbehaves, watering, closed windows, BUGS, air conditioning bills.

But why get bogged down in those things when there are so many positives. Like putting your linens on the line to dry, the perfect sign found at a garage sale, flowers everywhere ready to be cut and brought inside, fresh from the garden heirloom tomatoes just waiting to become tonights BLT''s or as we call them CBLAT's (cheese, bacon, lettuce, avocado, tomato), bouquets of basil that turn into homemade marinara with a healthy splash of the red wine left from the big back yard July 4th celebration. There are farmers markets, a more relaxed routine, porch time, reading books, going to Michigan, studio time and favorite summer movies -The Sand Lot, Doc Hollywood, Fried Green Tomatoes, Kit Kittridge, Because of Winn Dixie.

And lately napping. I think the last year is catching up with me and I am just plum worn out. And don't worry. I just had a complete physical and everything came back fine. I'm doing my best to slow down but there are a lot of things on our schedule and to do list through the end of August. I try to balance all of it with giving myself permission to let the weeds go another day, to have leftovers for dinner, to give myself the greatest of all things...days that I don't have to leave the house. I know in the blink of an eye my baby will be away at college, the nest will be empty and there will be plenty of quiet and space in my schedule and time to get all the things done that I can't seem to get to now. I will find myself in the midst of a completely new season that will be complete with things I don't especially like, but also with things I absolutely love.






P.S. I'm having difficulty leaving comments on some blogs lately. I was even unable to reply to your comments on my own until I saved the way the comments are formatted. Does anybody know what I can do to fix it? Please let me know if you're having trouble too. Unless you also can't comment on mine! ;)

A Slower Pace

With all of the year end chaos behind us, I've begun to purposefully adopt a slower pace. Life has thrown us some curveballs lately. Of course, hard days are an inevitable part of living, but our character is not developed during the easy times, but during the times that test us. I have a lot of character. ;) The thing that is always abundantly clear to me is that I have a lot of things to be grateful for in my life and focusing on that and really feeling it, keeps me positive.

Lately, my days are dictated by the weather. The rain falls in sheets, often without warning. The new patch of grass seed we put down is thriving and has required little help from us. Some of my new plants are struggling with so much moisture. Some even required digging up and moving to my "plant hospital" so that I can tend them with extra care, coaxing them back to life.

I've become passionate about gardening in a way that I never was before. I've overcome the paralyzing fear that previously prevented me from making decisions. If something doesn't work I'm happy to just move it somewhere else. Possibly I was too caught up in getting it perfect. Letting go of that is one of the many gifts we get from our gardens. I love the peace of an early, cool morning spent out amongst the flowers pulling weeds, deadheading or just admiring the beauty. Add in the sound of birdsong, wind chimes and trees blowing in the breeze and I'm so relaxed I feel I might just fall over. Summer has never been my favorite season but here I am finding so many things to love about it.

We have done so much work outside this year - replacing our dilapidated picket fence with a new cedar one, taking down 3 ailing pine trees and reshaping our beds. I have planted 8 new trees and untold numbers of flowers, really focusing on bringing an English cottage feel to the front of the house in particular. In back we have focused on getting the shape and structure in place. We have big plans for the backyard next season which include adding lots of flowering shrubs, apple and pear espalier trees, removing our old deck and taking down Emma's treehouse and turning it into a potting shed. We are nothing if not ambitious. We find it best not to overthink these things too much but just jump in and begin until it's too late to change our minds.

We have been lucky so far this summer to have lower than average temperatures which has meant a lot of porch time. Clover is happiest when she is snuggled up next to me on the glider. Well, that's not exactly true. She is happiest when she is in the water but I like to think that cuddling with me al fresco is her second favorite.

I rather enjoy all the rain as it is conducive to most of my hobbies and to in general to being cozy. Cozy, being my favorite hobby of all. I would happily bake, read, write, craft or knit to the sound of a thunderstorm.

Lately I've been making some changes to my days, trying to be more on top of things. I'm introducing zone cleaning (from the flylady), zone gardening and a basic weekly schedule with a heaping amount of grace for myself and minimal guilt. It seems to be working really well and I feel like my house is generally more clean and I'm generally less stressed about it. These are all good things.

One of the things I'm doing to help keep me from getting overwhelmed is designating the last week of each month "finish week". My plan is to focus on things like projects I haven't completed, books and magazines that are half read, partially binged Netflix series, knitting projects that are close to being done, WEAVING IN THE ENDS AND BLOCKING my many finished but stuffed in a basket knitting projects, doing mending or any number of other things that for some reason when piled up cause me stress. My goal will be to refrain from starting anything new during that week so that with the start of the new month I can begin things with wild abandon! Last night on the porch, I got a head start weaving ends into 4 pairs of recently finished socks. I find that job much more palatable on the porch. I'm also hoping to finish up this sweater which, judging from the way it matches clothes I already own, will clearly fit right into my current wardrobe.

I hope you are enjoying a slower pace this summer as well and if not I hope it will be just around the bend for you.

And Then the Rest

Where to even begin? April, May and the first part of June passed in a blur of obligations written in my planner. Some enjoyable, some not, most running together in my memory at this point. I am the type of girl who prefers a lot of white space on my calendar or I tend to feel overwhelmed.  We celebrated an anniversary (18), had a dance recital, orchestra concert, trip to Missouri, went to a play, enjoyed several dinners out, celebrated the graduation of our "adopted" daughter, celebrated Mother's Day, planted so many flowers, had our first official college visit at Butler University and lost a beloved member of our family, my sweet kitty boy, Tummy (Mr. Tumnus).

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But really it was just life. Simple every day life- the good, the bad, the chaotic, the beautiful. Life looked a lot different last year than it does this year and I don't think I will complain about the current situation for a moment. Except for my beloved kitters who was my constant companion and the kitty love of my life.

Life with Clover has improved. I can't believe we are 6 months in. Hang on there puppy mommas! It does get better. She has calmed down considerably but of course still has a ways to go, she is after all, an 8 month old Golden Retriever,  but we have learned how to manage things pretty well. TG for the park in my backyard and the occasional day at puppy camp! I have now reclaimed Sacred Day although not quite in it's previous form. I will get there eventually.

I've been tweaking a few things around the house and am about to embark on The Life Changing Magic of Tidying up. I just crave simplicity. I even gave my yarn stash a good sort recently.  We ditched our cable and home phone this week which I thought was going to be stressful but ended up feeling like a relief. I've been reading a ton, thanks in large part to the Kindle my guy got me for Mother's Day. I have been anti E-reader forever but this allows me to easily read while knitting and makes for much easier night time reading. It's been a game changer for me. I still love the feel of a book in my hands, the smell of ink on paper and I will never stop buying real, hold in your hands and sniff, page flipping books, but I love checking books out from the library, electronically. It's like some kind of voodoo witchcraft. Don't ask me how it works. I actually had to call up there and have them walk me through it due to my lack of technological abilities. If you'd like, you can keep up with what I'm reading here.

I've been cooking a lot of simple, fresh meals. I've been doing weight watchers since the beginning of February and while it's a slow process for me, I've made progress and am down about 20 pounds. All the dog walking and puppy tug of war dance parties haven't hurt either. I'm not sure how much longer I will do it but every time I put on old clothes that haven't fit in years and they fit comfortably, I get a thrill and am filled with disbelief. And you know what? The last four months would have passed the same whether I was eating healthy or not. As a bonus, I have more energy and feel better than I have in years!

 Even though I have more energy than ever, it seems 24 hours still isn't enough time in a day to do all the things I would like to do. I dream of all the new things I want to learn and try or the old favorites that I don't have enough time to enjoy. I try to pack in as much as I can in a day but I could surely use more time for play and less time for the not nearly as fun things. This is not revolutionary, I imagine we all feel this way.

I'm sure there is more to tell but I'm drawing a blank. Here's to a summer full of goodness and adventure. Emma and I have plans to get in the car and drive with no plan of where we might end up. It was our favorite thing about last summer- Mommy, Emma adventures. I love that she has inherited my love of photography which will make it even more fun this year.

It always feels so nice to come back to this little corner and record the events of life. Thank you for coming by and always offering such lovely support. I truly come here to record our lives so that we can look back at it and remember. It's a gift to myself and my family but you lot are the icing on the cake! I hope you are well and if you feel like it, leave me a note telling me what's new with you.

Shifting Perspectives

I took half of these pictures exactly two weeks ago on the Sunday before my surgery. I admit that I have spent a good portion of my life the last few months living in fear. That is never my choice but sometimes it seems almost unavoidable. For a period of time. I think that's key. If you spend all of your time living in fear, well, you aren't really living. You are missing out on the beautiful every day moments that are happening in your life right now, while you are alive.

 The very oddest thing happened to make me wake up to this realization...my mallow plants. I planted these at least three seasons ago and every year, the enchanting, plump Village bunny that loves to visit my garden, would mow them down to the ground before they had ever really gotten their heads more than a few inches high.

Soon after we lost our sweet Millie, the bunny stopped visiting. I had always thought the bunny was afraid of her but it now appears to me that the bunny came to play with her and now sees no point in visiting and eating my flowers if there is no golden retriever to frolic with. The point of this story though is that I was so deeply wrapped up in my fear and grief, that I almost completely missed the fact that I had mallow growing in my garden for the first time in my entire life. I couldn't stop thinking what a shame that would have been and I began to feel my perspective shifting.

Ten days ago I had my surgery and while there was an incredible amount of fear leading up to it and still some residual fear, mostly due to my history with blood clots, I am healing, slow and steady, body, heart and soul.

This past week, I very suddenly lost one of my best friends, Renee. Maybe you know her from her blog or Instagram account. We were very close and such a lifeline for each other, especially the last few months as we both found ourselves facing some of the biggest challenges of our lives. I loved her dearly and am so sad that my doctor doesn't want me to risk making the trip to say goodbye at her funeral. I miss our daily talks about life, challenges, joys and yarn. I believe I was put in her life to help comfort her when she needed it and while now I could use her comfort more than anything, I have to believe she was put in my life to reinforce to me that we don't know what tomorrow will bring, so make the most of today. She was also a shining example of what deep faith looked like.

If I'm being honest, even as I'm learning all the lessons that life is throwing at me this year, even as I feel myself growing and changing, I'm tired from it all. I don't want to learn anymore for awhile. I want to sit quietly and knit and watch BBC, and make lists and dream and pretend the world is always a beautiful place where people are lovely to each other and treat one another with kindness, respect and grace.

You learn a lot about yourself and the people around you during times like this. Some of it positive. Some of it not. I am trying to focus on the positive and working towards a zen like acceptance of the rest. That does require a little practice.

I have learned though, that changing your perspective can be such a beautiful thing. Looking at something in a completely new way, sharing a new experience with people you love, trying something you've always wanted to do. Being brave, even when you're scared, trying new things even if you might feel stupid or God forbid...even if you might fail.

This is what we are here for. To love, to live, to go out into the world and explore, see and learn. New experiences and dreams are what keep us interested and interesting.

I've realized there are so many places I still want to go and  things I still want to do: write a book, play the cello, learn to tap dance, take a cooking class in Italy, knit a sweater, travel the English countryside, go to Maine, make croissants from scratch, learn to paint, visit the PNW, take a pottery class, sew a quilt, become a better photographer, sew a skirt and the list goes on and on. And obviously I'll never get to everything on the list...or maybe I will. I plan to give myself at least another 46 years to try.

I have a new watch that reminds me to breathe, it reminds me to get up and move but as far as I know there is not an app that reminds you to live, really live, your life every day. That is something we have to learn on our own.

I have to say the most important thing I learned through this process, although I was not oblivious to this fact, is that I am married to an amazing man who is here for me no matter what. Usually unconditional love is reserved for parents and their children and dogs and their humans, but my Sweet Man has always loved me unconditionally. He has been my tower of strength even through his own fear. He has held me and comforted me for the past several months and for the last 10 days he has taken charge of my medical care doing things too unsavory to mention here and doing them without hesitation. He has cared for all of my needs, journaled my medical stats, set alarms every 3 hours through the night and fed me pain pills, water and crackers. He has cared for me medically, physically and emotionally with the gentlest of care and the deepest of love. As I stood in the shower one night while he gently bathed me and washed my hair, hurting and feeling exposed and mangled and vulnerable and sobbing, that man looked me in the eyes and told me that I had never been more beautiful. I wish that is what love would always look like for every person. No matter what life brings me, I will forever be grateful that it gave me that.

While I still have another surgery ahead of me in the next month or so, I'm ready to get through it and move on to the next chapter. And I just want to say this- I am not cancer. Cancer is something that happened to me, a life experience that is now a part of my story for better or worse. I am not a victim.  I do not want people to think of me and for their first thought to be that I had cancer. I am not interested in dwelling on this sad chapter, just as I am not interested in dwelling on any of the sad chapters that came before it. This, like everything that came before, alters my path a bit and makes me more fully the person I am meant to be, which is just a person living my life the best way I know how.

Having said that, I want to thank each and every one of you for your positive thoughts, prayers, emails, texts, notes, gifts, flowers, meals, errands and the pure and beautiful outpouring of love that was sent my way. It made such a difference for me and I felt stronger for it. I am full of gratitude for it. There were days when I was sustained by it and I could never find enough ways to thank you for your generosity and kindness. People are so incredibly lovely. I leave you now with this picture of the daybed swing my guy built, where I soon hope to be doing a lot of recovering.

With my sincerest gratitude and love,
Jen

The Happenings

Do you have dreams of coming to this spot and finding something other than pictures of the studio and my makes? I do feel like that day will come but it isn't today! I am so excited to share my new craft trolley with you. It was made with love by my Sweet Man. There was a moment of fear about the time he finished building it, that it might be too big. It actually turned out to be the exact, perfect thing I needed! I love it so much and am so thankful for his willingness to jump in and make it for me, even if only to stop my begging!

Here are a couple of peeks of some of my favorite things. I still have plenty of space for organization but this has already made such a big difference in how I live and work in this room. It has allowed me to clear off my work tables which in turn clears out my mind allows me to be more creative.

 The top has been a great place to plan future projects as well as the perfect place for cutting out fabric. I now have no idea how I ever managed to cut fabric out on the floor. There is no going back.

I have no doubt that my sewing machine is going to be getting more of a work out than it has before. In fact, I feel like I have already done more sewing in the last few months than I have in the last few years so I'm off to a good start.

 It's also a great place to sort through some of my yarn when I'm trying to decide on my next project.

 For those of you who love seeing my yarny projects, I promise there is a post about that coming in the not so distant future.

The yarn above is a project I'm currently working on and the paper below is a project I hope to get to this week. There is something about standing at the trolley with my material and my thoughts that helps me gather my ideas.

Aside from so much creating, we also celebrated a very big occasion in our family. Our baby, Emma turned 16 this past Sunday. For those of you who are long time readers of this blog, I wonder if that shocks you as much as it shocks me?

I'm not going to lie. There were tears. Mine and Maddie's. Because of course Maddie is like a second momma to her little Emmy. It has been that way forever and always and I can't imagine it any other way.

There was no car for her as she just got her learners permit but she seemed plenty excited about her gifts anyway.

I mean come on! You'd be this excited too if you got brand new chalk pastels to go with your brand new fancy $6 a sheet art paper, right?

Seriously, all she asked for was art supplies, books and tea for her birthday. So when she opened up a new phone too, she was almost moved to tears at the unexpected joy. Because now that she has doubled her memory she can fit all of her musical soundtracks on her phone! That is joy inducing for sure.

Sadly she wrapped up her birthday celebrating by coming down with a cold but even that was okay as it allowed her to miss a day of school and read some of her birthday books and get waited on by Momma. I rather enjoyed it myself.

Today I finally got around to finishing this bag I was making her for her birthday. I first fell in love with the fabric because that little girl so reminded me of her but then when I discovered the line was called Emmy Grace, well I had to buy it for her! I even cut the name off the selvedge and embroidered it onto the front of the bag.

Aside from the ordinary chores that are required to run a household, my days really have been filled with as much creating as I can fit into them.

I find it difficult to stop long enough to cook and clean, let alone get on the computer. So while my heart is here in this place, my hands are busy stitching, sewing and knitting. And when they finally stop for the day, I am likely too tired to think. I don't seem inclined to change that very soon but I hope I will be better about recording it here so that I can look back on it later.

I hope your days have been filled with creativity and happy memories.