Today is a brand new day. It is a day full of promise and hope, strength and optimism. I am filled with the joy of new starts, new seasons, new chapters. That all of this should happen at the beginning of autumn seems fitting.
I woke up this morning to a chill in the air, cool breezes and a refreshed spirit. I have Vivaldi's Seasons playing on a loop (for some reason it is my autumn anthem), I am wearing a cozy sweater, hand knit socks, burning a special chai scented candle that I've been saving for this day and my tea is slowly steeping. I have big plans to spend the day doing more sorting and organizing in my studio so that my creative spirit can be as invigorated as the rest of me feels. I have a big date with a hot guy tonight and we are even doing the unthinkable and leaving the Village for dinner.
It has been five months since I was excited to begin a new month. If I had known then what would be required of me to get to the other side, I'm not sure I'd have thought I could survive. But that's life really, isn't it? We never know what's just around the bend, just as we never really know our strength and ability to bear it. But now I think I do in fact know, I'm starting to get an inkling of just what I'm made of and it's empowering.
Today I am excited to close that chapter and begin this new one and while I'm happy to move on there are lessons I'm taking forward with me as they are too important to leave behind. I am not the same person I was. I fought that for awhile. I remember weeping into my man's chest as he held me and saying I didn't want this to change me. At the time my only thought was that this might make me sad, bitter or fearful. That now seems so silly to me as I now know there was something better waiting for me. I feel none of those things I had feared but instead feel an even deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation and I have finally waved goodbye to my lifelong friend, fear. I'm as astounded as anyone and I do so hope that is a friendship that will never be rekindled.
I am now cancer free. My surgeries are all done. My pathology reports were great. I'm healing well, emotionally and physically. I have every intention of being on this earth so long that people get tired of me. For some people that has probably already happened. ;) I have every intention of living my life for today and not living my days in fear as that serves no purpose. I have every intention of remembering every day what is important in life and it is not having the cleanest house, the most impressive things, Instagram perfect lives, followers, the biggest bank account or thigh gaps. For me the important things are my people, life experiences, creativity and home. May I always remember these lessons.
So now I make plans, throwing caution to the wind, dreaming of a lifetime of new adventures with an unbridled excitement for today and the days to come.