June 29, 2018
What a Difference a Year Makes
Today is the one year anniversary of my double mastectomy. I can scarcely believe how quickly it passed. It's not something I dwell on, and I was kind of excited to get to this day and mark the occasion and then put it behind me. I woke up today surprised that I was feeling quite emotional about it all. I have teared up several times from the weight of all I'm feeling.
I'm not sure I have the capacity to explain it today, while it's still so raw. More than anything I feel deep gratitude, for my health, for modern medicine, for the journey and more than anything for the people who held my hand and were there for me in every way during that time, in particular my amazing friend T and my strong, tender, loving husband.
Aside from gratitude, I also feel strength like I've never known, and the knowledge that I can do hard things, and come out the other side better for it, a comfort in my own skin that is completely new to me and a thankfulness for this imperfect body.
I've no desire to dwell in what was, either before my diagnosis or during the healing of my treatments. I've no desire to live my days in fear of what could be, although it is nearly impossible to not dip your toe in that pool occasionally. I'm living my life for today, at peace with what is and full of hope for what lies ahead.
I have all that I need to be happy in this life and I wake up and go to sleep every day, thankful for that.