May the 4th Be With You

After a long absence, my longest to date I believe, it's hard to know where to start or how to catch up. I'm hoping to do that in my next post but today I felt it important to mark an important anniversary.

Two years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. How has it already been two years? How has it only been two years? The ensuing turmoil, multiple biopsies, positive genetic testing, constant doctor appointments, double mastectomy with reconstruction, followed quickly by removal of my ovaries was a chaotic, draining, exhausting whirlwind. To say the least. But look at me, I survived. Despite my most dire thoughts on my darkest days.

And these two years later, I feel healthier than I have in ages. I honestly don't even think about cancer much these days. Sure occasionally I will have a moment where I wonder if that pain I'm having could be something more nefarious but I think I've struck a good balance between being diligent about my health and not living in fear and worry.

Here's the thing I've realized, if I spend my days worrying about cancer and it turns out that I don't actually have it, won't that be a waste of my energy and life? On the other hand, even if I actually do get cancer again will it have benefited me in any way to spend my days worrying in advance about it? I feel it would be a disservice to the life I have been given, to spend it fretting instead of living.

So, living is what I am doing and at full speed, hanging on for dear life but I think that is just what wrapping up the school and child rearing years looks like. Look for a post very soon on all things Emma as we prepare to launch her into the world.

And as a favor to me, would you please schedule that test or doctor's appointment that you've been putting off? Will you please be proactive about your health and advocate for yourself when you need to? And when a doctor makes you feel like a hypochondriac, please go find a new doctor. Take care of yourselves friends.