September 04, 2019

Anticipation


It's early morning and the house is empty again. Emma has gone back to school after a holiday weekend. Upon waking, there is a blurry moment when I think she is there, up two stairs and around a corner and then... realization. I am sad for a moment and then I am... pleased? content? There is a feeling that settles over the house, over me that I can't quite name. After many years of essentially living the same day over and over, I awake with a new excitement. What will today bring? Where before there was a schedule bookended by carpool runs, there is now variety, flexibility, spontaneity and...anticipation. I think that is what I'm feeling.


There is a stillness in my soul when I make space in my day for it, when I sit in the quiet alone with my thoughts. For awhile I've not had room for it and now that it is here I could weep with relief. My brain is beginning to settle down. The constant swirl of to do's fading away, leaving space for dreams and creativity.


I'm just now discovering how vital that stillness is for my survival. I want to protect this quiet peace, to keep a firm grasp on it and not let go again. I don't want to feel untethered to the core of who I am, lost in the demands of life, wholly swallowed up until there is not a lot left behind.


I feel I am on the precipice of discovery. I can look back on my life to this point and see the events that have changed me and caused me to grow and expand and I have no doubt that this is one of them. At a time when, perhaps I could be looking back at all that was and what is lost, instead I am looking forward with great eagerness at what comes next.


August 22, 2019

Celebrating Life


You know how some stages of life just make you feel like you've been rolled over by a steamroller? That accurately sums up this summer.


Since last we met, I sewed a skirt.


And knit a giant shawl/wrap/blanket...shlanket for Emma.


We travelled to MO for a family visit and then had some family stop by to visit us.


We celebrated our big girl Maddie's 26th birthday!


We celebrated Emma's impending wisdom teeth removal.


We celebrated the last baby (puppy) gate coming down.


There was a weekend trip to help a friend setup her studio.


And a drive south to take a rug hooking class with another friend.


There were even some peaceful moments filled with lazy naps. Those were mostly enjoyed by Clover and Winnie.


There was a lot of dreaming about future creative projects and a mile long list of things I hope to get to come autumn. And maybe a little cheeky fabric shopping.


We tried to find stay cool and water was scarce. The heat wave felt like it would never break.


There was a lot of shopping and preparation for college.


Lots of lists and emotion and goodbyes.


And lots and lots of hellos.



And now she is off at school with the loveliest of roommates and we are all starting to get a feel for our new routines and finding our new normals and, most importantly, figuring out who is going to empty the dishwasher now that all of our child labor has left the nest. And while I don't know what exactly comes next for me, I'm really excited about figuring it out!