Or at least trying. I have wanted to sit back down here and catch up with you all but time passes differently these days. The minutes, hours, days, weeks and months seem to pile up without my having taken much notice. When something unpleasant comes up, I tend to think to myself, in the blink of an eye it will be over and in my rearview mirror. This can sometimes be a blessing, but often feels distressing.
How are you? How are you coping? Are you making the most of quarantine? Are you full of anxiety over all the very difficult things going on in the world? Do you sometimes need to shut out the world around you and focus on the things you can control in your little world? I'd say all of these describe me but that last one is my constant companion.
Things here have been good, heartbreaking and everything in between. In June I lost my dad to cancer. I feel so grateful to have spent the last 10 years getting to know who he was and reconnecting, well, no, actually, just connecting for the first time. You can read my side of our story here. There are so many layers of loss with his passing, but I am truly thankful.
So here I am, after so many months away, trying to get back to life. I feel like I've been treading water. I have struggled to find time, energy or desire to do the things that give my days depth. That doesn't mean that I haven't done any of those things, but when I do, they don't feel as satisfying or enjoyable as they did. My enthusiasm for them has lagged. I picked up my camera for the first time the other day and could not remember how to use it. And today I literally could not remember how to get the photos off my new camera for this post and had no idea what was even on it. Life is weird. It turns out I had not uploaded photos since December 2019 which is okay because I've hardly taken any this entire year.
My days are full of gardening, cooking, cleaning, running a household and generally being the chief caretaker of all the things. Rinse and repeat. I often don't feel like I'm accomplishing much of anything other than surviving but that's okay. That's enough. I'm thankful for it. In fact I have a lot to be thankful for.
My Sweet Man is still working from home and it looks like he will continue to for the next year. My baby girl was home for 5 months (and was honestly a pleasure to have around even though I mourned my empty nest) but has gone back to college and an experience that is in no way fun but she is doing her best and being so self sufficient- paying her bills, budgeting, working, getting to know her 3 roommates and working hard in her classes. My big girl started a new job that she loves, got a puppy and is getting married next month with the reception in our backyard. It's to be a very small affair and has been made very complicated by the current state of things.
As for me, I have managed to accomplish a couple of things- the biggest of which is a huge garden project that I look forward to sharing with you as soon as I refresh my photography skills. I also redecorated Emma's room when she moved all of her possessions to her new townhouse. Other than purchasing a new mattress, boxspring, paint and curtain rod, I used things I already had which felt really great and my bank account heaved a sigh of relief! It's not what I want to do in there long term but we have some sagging floor joists that need to be seen to before we can do any projects that are more substantial around here. If it's not one thing it's another in an old house, but thank goodness we love her.
Hey! Look! I blogged! It's hard to know where to begin, so I just began. There's a little song I've been singing to myself for the last 6 months which is just basically me singing "I'm doing my best" to myself over and over whenever I need to hear it. I need to hear it a lot some days. So I hope you enjoy these random unedited photos from 2020 because "I'm doing my best, I'm doing my best!"
Random things from the last 6 months: