February 21, 2022

My Story

 
In December I received this inspiring book from a very sweet friend (thank you, Christy!💕) and it reminded me to get my camera out and capture the small everyday moments that have long been the ones that I love the most. This is something I used to do regularly, but these last couple of years I stopped picking up my camera, I stopped noticing. I struggled to see what was right in front of me. I feel sure I am not the only one amongst us who lost her joie de vivre.
 

There is something about honing in on the little magical moments of a day that settle the mind and calm the soul. When I spend any amount of time reflecting on the last 2 years, I feel amazed that I'm still standing. These have been hard times. There has been so much good mixed in there but I have felt so challenged to find stillness, to rest.


My mind is so often chaotic now and I have learned first hand what anxiety can do to your spirt. It took me some time to figure out how I could best work through it and thanks to yoga, breathing techniques, quieting the outside world, journaling and my studio- I have come out the other side armed with the tools that work best for me. 


But sometimes I still feel that old, now familiar feeling-the heart racing, the feeling like I am vibrating on the inside, the inability to settle my mind and I have to close my eyes, I count my breaths in...1...out...2 in and out until I get to 10 and then I start over again. I keep my eyes closed and focus on only what I can hear- the dog's gentle puff exhalations as she sleeps, my guy playing the ukulele upstairs, the creak and pop of this old house. I open my eyes and sit quietly and take in my view, noticing the small things. the shadows on the wall, the stack of books waiting to be flipped through, the way the throw blanket is draped on the ottoman. 


The every day little things that I was missing before as my mind bounced between all the things that need doing and all the worries we gather in a life. I feel settled. I feel calm. I pick up the camera and capture a moment that won't mean anything to anyone in 100 years but tells a story of my life right now, in this moment. 


It turns out these meaningless little moments mean everything. I'm planning to keep gathering them and sharing them here on Mondays. 

8 comments:

  1. Such a beautiful reminder that the little moments mean everything. I'm very much looking forward to Mondays!

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  2. I love your cat on the table in the sun. That photo brings me joy!

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  3. Thank you for todays post. It feels so good to hear someone else feeling exactly as I do. The last few days I thought it was just me but you summed up my feelings perfectly. I am having trouble remembering what I did "before". It kind of scares me. Its like a part of ME disappeared and I cant find it. I hope I find it again....

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  4. I am glad you have found your calm. Love the picture of the cat on the table.

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  5. I understand, at least a little. Three years ago, I was living a life of quiet desperation that then became panic and running, which then morphed to panic and hiding. There was a respite followed by a little more panic. Between therapy and my dear sweet husband, I've rediscovered my calm... as well as an additional peace of mind, safety and stability I've literally only ever known in childhood.

    But now there's an unsettled feeling, like "Ok, now you're safe- it's time to do some growing, stretching. Get up!"

    So life goes on.

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  7. I heavily rely on your blog (first time commenting) for exactly what you describe: the reminder to notice the small things for the express purpose of tuning in, aligning with the pulse of the infinite rather than the clamor of the immediate. Thank you for making this available and sharing your tender spirit.

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  8. As usual, your words really struck a chord in me. I feel ALL of this.

    That book looks amazing. I'm going to see if my library has it and if not, it'll go on my Amazon wish list.

    xoxo

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